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Well life has been nothing but boring in Meridian, MS. Michael has started his next stage of flight training which means that since I have no job I sit at home alone now with Sunset, our dog. I never thought I would really miss working so much. As far as jobs go I put in applications at Books a million and Lifeway Christian Bookstore and have not heard anything from them yet, that was a little over a month ago. I also put a resume in at peavey entertainment, they make guitars and stereo equipment. That was a few weeks ago and haven't heard anything from them yet either.

There is a possibility that there are some jobs available on base but I haven't gone over to check them out yet. I also thought about dropping off my resume at some christian schools down in town but haven't done that either. I just haven't seemed to be able to do anything lately. All I do is sleep, wake up late and move to the couch where I watch tv or play xbox all day. On occasion I will take Sunset on a walk or do a few sit ups and push ups, but I can't seem to motivate myself to do much more that that. Although I constantly look at myself in the mirror and am unhappy with what I see. I am totally worthless and can't seem to get myself out of this rut.

I finally ordered some pictures so that I can make some scrapbooks. Maybe that will give me something to do that will help me to feel happy and give me some energy again. I had gone to the doctor and kinda talked to him about me sleeping so much and not really wanting me to do anything, he suggested that I try an herbal pill at night to get my sleeping back on track but it hasn't really helped. My mom was taking the same thing to help her sleep and I am trying to not sleep as much so not sure how it can work for both things.

I am to the point now that I am considering going and talking to a therapist/counselor. But I still haven't decided if I want to succumb to that. But I think I need to start doing something because I cant keep living like this. it's not fair to me and it is especially not fair to my husband.

Mike has been nothing but wonderful since our move. In Pensacola I had a job and friends and a life. But since we've moved i haven't been able to find any of that and it has been really hard on my. I never thought that I would really need girlfriend talk as much as I do. I don't ever really remember hanging out with girls too much, but I always had my mom and a few close girls that I could talk to. And that was all I needed. But I don't really have any girlfriends that I can just hang out with and talk in meridian. All the girls in our neighborhood either already have children, are pregnant, or have children and are pregnant. I have not found too many that are not pregnant or don't already have kids. And even those ones that I have found are already in groups and have friends, and I can't seem to break into the group. I don't know what to do. Mike does all that he can to help me hang out with people, but usually we are just hanging out with his friends from the academy, boys and single. Not exactly what I need right now.

He also has been good about the whole job thing. right now financially I don't really need to work, and he makes sure that I know that we are not hurting for money. He knows that I want to work so that I have something to do with my time. But knowing that he feels this way has made me start thinking about part time work or volunteer. I would like part time so that I don't have to work weekends, since that is what Michael will always have off. Plus then we can take some day trips and weekend getaways around the south which could be fun.

Well I think I have gotten most things off my chest that I wanted to. I use to write like this all the time but I don't anymore and it's kinda sad. Someday I know my life will turn around, but i also know that I need to make an initial move for it to start moving in that direction. And that is something that i haven't been able to do yet. I want to lose weight, but can't make myself workout. I want a job, but can't make myself actively going job hunting. I want friends, but I stay in my home all day and night feeling pathetic and sorry for myself. I didn't use to be like this, and i'm newly and happily married so I should not be feeling like this now, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

Just the beginning...

So I have finally decieded to join the phenomena of blogging. Currently with no job I will probably be using this a lot to vent.